Am I ill?

Stamping on my chest.

Devils claws sink into my shoulders.

Pushing me down

And sitting in my view.

Whispering ‘You are just another small time muse’

Meaningful gazes ask if I’m fine

Glances back scream ‘I’m fucked.’

I show a small apologetic smile

One that let’s you know I don’t need you.

That it will be fine.

It will be OK.

I am just someone who cries in the street on Thursday.

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Suicidal me 

Harking,  crawling,  burden, smell. 

People see how I long to dwell. 

Sickness burning in my throat.

Sea of blood calls me to float. 

Ingrid bellows across the field 

I turn to see strawberry tears 

One step forward off the cliff

Takes away my wandering drift 

Although I am happy I’m also sad

There is nothing good in this land. 

Ward

Speaking slowly

Eyes shift

Plastic chairs secured to the floor 

I do not believe I’m in kansas anymore 

Salmon pink or cream walls

Probably a psychiatric ward 

Eyes observing behind a glass.

I wonder how much time has passed. 

Someone comes up and asks me if I’m OK 

They even know my name

I wonder if it’s been years

I recall voices in my head

My skin feels coarse

I’m nearly in tears

‘Do you need some Prn? ‘ He calls

A reassuring and friendly tone

I wonder if it’s a dream

Where someone actually notices me

Captive in my solitude

Take them all away with you 

I don’t want anything else 

When it comes to loving you

Please let me find the way out fast

To save my sanity 

To open secret doors

Building blocks in hidden houses

found in the middle of dreams 

Chased desperately 

From the torment of a love

So barron and asleep

I see a cat with broken legs

Hobbling across a closed garden

Unable to climb the wall. 

She stares out

Inhales the same air as the free. 

 stumbling into the wall that supports me

How pathetic to have what takes away my freedom save me

I have spoken to a god 

He said that I must fight

To find a new love. 

To find myself

When the garden blooms I am happy

Briefly loving the flowers scent

Rainbow colours surround me

Sunshine warming my skin

Comfort welling inside me

But winter cold and rain soaks

Reminds me of a life, hopeless

Fluttering at night I see dreams

Legs strong 

Head high 

Will I live through the scars of time? 

Carcus

The picture above is somewhere I once felt great sadness but have since been there and been happy. I imagine that the colours of the sea are the colours the water in the poem. 

Carcus

The lady is beautiful 

Her body wearing a smile of admiration 

Her carcus

Laid wearing a carefully chosen outfit

Green satin blouse drooping over her wrists

Hiding years of tormented illness

Etched into her skin 

Skirt just above the knee exposing

Scraps and hits

As if saying we fought so hard to end this

Running rampant in the trees

The ocean snake whispers her dreams

Imagine a women with child 

A smile so warm and free

I see paling skin and melancholy 

Reeds shake as they drag her body 

Water ripples and tears escape

As a jug becomes empty 

I wonder for her family 

Summers sun thickens 

Flies buzz mercilessly 

In swarms like nets catching its prey

I see merely a victim of sadness

Someone who could not stay

Obsession 

I wish we had been told

About all the colours shining in the dark

The sparkles and lights of love

Can you whisper midnight secrets? 

Whispers that strengthen building hearts 

Under closed eyes I dream of new starts

But I don’t know how I would separate you and me.

Our love is filled with future memories

It’s time we part or stick as one. 

For bright futures flying in satin above

Silky seductive loving touch

Make me run to you again. 

I lie here imagining  your eyes were boring into my soul

Heart fluttering loudly at the thought 

I am jaded with a sense of confusion 

As I am really all alone 

Do you play my heart or am I deluded? 

There are no fish in my sea of love 

I caught my goldy but is he golden? 

Let me see the colours of the sky

So I know the reason why, 

My heart speaks your name 

Even when I hate you 

Maybe you are green not golden. 

Filled with regret I stomp in between trees

Black and white world.  

I wonder do you even love me?

Forever wounded


I remember running scared from shadows in my mind,
Looking out into the night pondering why.
When looking for comfort I remember solitude,
Empty hugs and blank stares,
Nobody ever knew.
What it’s like to be worthless even as a child
Wishing to bloom bright inside
But only hated and despised
All I ever wanted was someone who cared
To help me feel safe in my head
I reach out even now like a thumbling child
To have taunts and glares from you
Grasping desperately at shortened straws
Hoping for something more
Powerless even now as an adult grown
I am still a child scorned
Wishing she had never been born.